Phase 5

  Phase 5 addresses the following topics: 

• Equanimity of the Four Immeasurables
• Equanimity a guided meditation (Audio link)
• Trauma and Adverse Childhood Experiences
• Incorporating Trauma-Informed Mental and Emotional Health Practices with Exercise and Nutrition

For much of my life, I didn’t think I had been exposed to trauma. I assumed trauma had to be something extreme—like physical or sexual abuse, or some kind of catastrophic event—and because I hadn’t experienced anything I thought “qualified,” I never gave it much thought. But trauma isn’t always so obvious or dramatic. Sometimes it’s subtle and cumulative—shaped by the emotional environment we grow up in, or by isolated events that leave a deeper imprint than we realize. And of course, many times it is more intense—possibly even something we don’t consciously remember—such as physical or sexual abuse, a car accident, or another kind of traumatic injury or event in our younger years.

In my own life, there were no catastrophic events, but certain early experiences affected me in ways I only began to recognize much later. What might have seemed like harmless teasing or playful father-son dynamics left deeper impressions than anyone realized. As a toddler, there were times when my father and brother—just slightly older than me—would engage in what they thought were games. But at that young and impressionable age, I may have felt like I was being intentionally left out or not fully accepted. Even without the words to explain it, something about those moments seemed to register deeply, quietly shaping how I saw myself and related to others as I grew. It wasn’t until much later in my recovery journey—when I began learning about trauma and having difficult conversations with my mom and brother—that I came to understand these early dynamics more clearly. Honestly, I don’t even remember much of it myself; it was through their reflections and our shared dialogue that the pieces began to surface.

One of the few vivid memories I have from early childhood involves an ex-partner of my mother’s, whose intense verbal outbursts and screaming left me frozen in fear. Even though no physical harm occurred, the emotional intensity of those moments lodged deep in my nervous system and contributed to a chronic sense of fear and unease. These experiences accumulated in ways that influenced my inner dialogue, self-worth, and how I navigated relationships. For years, I carried the consequences without even realizing it—deeply limiting beliefs, chronic fear, and a steady stream of intense negative self-talk. That became the mental baseline I operated from—shaping my thoughts and behaviors in subtle ways, rooted in unresolved trauma. These patterns quietly disrupted my emotional development and the kind of natural growth and self-assurance that might unfold in a brain untouched by early trauma.

Looking back, it makes sense that when other kids were just experimenting with drugs or alcohol, my experience was different. For me, it was a kind of relief from something I couldn’t yet name. Substances gave me temporary access to joy, eased my fear, quieted the negative self-talk, and offered a kind of social confidence I didn’t otherwise have. And while others eventually moved past the experimentation phase, I clung to it—because for me, it had become a coping mechanism. It was my escape, my shield from the unacknowledged suffering I had been carrying for as long as I could remember.

It wasn’t until I began to take my physical and mental health seriously—through nutrition, mindfulness, physical exercise, reading about and understanding trauma and ACEs (adverse childhood experiences), and eventually seeing a therapist regularly—that I started to notice a shift. The grip of those old patterns began to loosen. I began to feel more grounded, emotionally balanced, and capable of responding to life with greater clarity—and I found it easier to connect with others without relying on the crutch of alcohol or substances. That’s why recognizing and working with trauma, including ACEs, is such a crucial part of this journey. You can’t heal what you don’t acknowledge, and sometimes it’s necessary to work with a trained counselor or therapist to help locate and skillfully heal those old wounds.

This phase also explores equanimity, one of the Four Immeasurables. Developing equanimity—seeing all beings as equal, without excessive attachment or aversion—has been an incredibly liberating practice. It’s helped me release resentment more easily, soften judgment, and reclaim energy I didn’t realize I was spending on unnecessary emotional entanglements. When you stop loading certain relationships with so much emotional charge—whether it’s an intense love, longing, or attachment to a partner, loved one, or iconic figure, or on the other end of the spectrum, a long-standing resentment, hatred or not even acknowledging or noticing most people—you free yourself to move forward with greater clarity, self-awareness, and compassion.

Equanimity means learning to face both joy and aversion or negatively charged social emotions without being pulled off course. It allows us to remain fully present in the midst of life’s complexity—steady, balanced, and able to respond with wisdom rather than reactivity.

In this phase, we’ll explore trauma and its impact, learn about ACEs, and begin to identify what healing might look like for you. You’ll also discover how exercise, nutrition, and the daily practice of meditation and mindfulness can support nervous system regulation and overall wellness, as it relates to trauma and ACEs. Most importantly, you’ll cultivate the capacity for a more balanced, open-hearted relationship with yourself and others—one that supports sustainable recovery and growth.